


This Is Not A Dream

by kkfangirl56



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Music, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, Dark Past, Disillusionment, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Inspired by Music, Musician Kylo Ren, Musician Rey, Past Abuse, Piercings, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reconciliation, Rey Kenobi, Rey inspired by Halsey, Rey is singer, Tattoos, identity crisis, rey has trust issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-16 05:51:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18515203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kkfangirl56/pseuds/kkfangirl56
Summary: Rey is an aspiring alt pop singer with a dark past. At 21 years old she lands a gig as the opening spot on a small tour with alt-rock band, The First Order Rejects. Opening for this band has the potential to open up a lot of doors for Rey's career but it means working with the band's lead singer. The world knows him as Kylo Ren but to Rey he will always be Ben Solo, the first boy to ever break her heart.





	This Is Not A Dream

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back!!
> 
> This fic idea has been in the works since last summer and I am thrilled to finally start posting it! I hope you all enjoy!

_ Rey sat there in her car on the hotel parking lot for what felt like hours. She knew she should start the car and drive off. If Ben took one look out his window he would see her sitting there, tears streaming down her face as reality came crashing down on her like a ton of bricks. He would know that she’d lied to him and he’d come out here and demand the truth. She knew she should start the car and drive off…but she couldn’t. All she could do was cry and curse. Cry for love, for what she’d just given up. Curse  _ **_him_ ** _ , and curse the fact that he was still managing to make her life a living hell despite the fact that he was 6 feet under. But then again that was her fault so maybe she deserved this. Maybe she wasn’t meant for happiness or love… _

**2 months earlier…**

She stood there outside, a lit cigarette in her hand, exhaling the smoke that burned in her lungs. Sunlight bounced off her phone screen, reflecting her own image back at her as she checked the time. 

There were moments like this where she looked at her own reflection and she almost didn’t recognize herself. The pink hair, the piercings, the tattoos, her clothes, the dark makeup…the Rey she once knew never would’ve imagined she’d one day end up looking like this. 

Now that’s not to say that Rey was unhappy with her appearance, that wasn’t the case at all. The first time she got a tattoo was one of the most exhilarating, liberating experiences she’d ever had. She was only 17 years old at the time and she had already decided on what her next tattoo would be before the artist was even done applying the bandages. Within a year she had added 3 more tattoos and 3 new piercings - septum, nostril, and eyebrow - and her natural brown hair had been processed and changed to a vibrant pink. 

Gone was any trace of the sweet, seemingly innocent girl with stars in her eyes that she once was. She was not that person anymore. No, life had hardened her over the years. Rey had endured things at a young age that some people would go through life never having to experience...Rey knew fear, sadness, pain, and guilt better than most people her age. It was those experiences that had taught her how to put up walls and protect herself against anyone and anything...even the ones she loved…

Noting the time on her phone, Rey realized her time was up. There was no more stalling. She took one last drag from the cigarette, willing the nicotine to calm her nerves, and tossed it to the ground. Finally, Rey forced herself to open the door and walk into the building where her future and her past awaited her.

The venue was dimly lit and mostly empty; the only people that had been allowed in at this point were performers, crew members, security and venue employees. In just a few hours, the place would be bustling and full of people waiting to see The First Order Rejects.

The First Order Rejects were an alternative rock band that had achieved modest success on mainstream radio over the years since scoring a record deal six years prior. Tonight was the first night of a small string of headline shows the band was playing across California before setting off on their first North American tour. Tonight, and for the remaining California shows, Rey was the band’s first opening act...and she wasn’t sure how she felt about it. 

Professionally, as Rey Niima, Rey was thrilled to have this opportunity. Opening for The Rejects would be her biggest gig yet and it could expose her to a much wider audience and expand her currently modest but passionate fanbase. Personally, as Rey Kenobi, she was nervous as fuck. It wasn’t so much the gig itself that was aggravating her nerves, it was the lead singer of the headlining band that worried her. 

The public knew him as 24 year old, brooding, heartthrob singer Kylo Ren but Rey knew him as awkward teenager Ben Solo. So much had changed in the last six years though….

“I see they’re letting any old riff raff in the doors now, huh?” Finn teased, smiling as he moved to greet Rey with a hug.

“Looks that way since they let your sorry ass in,” Rey quipped right back, returning the hug as the two chuckled at each other.

Finn was the lead guitarist for The Rejects and one of the first connections Rey made in the business. He had seen one of her YouTube videos and reached out to her wanting to meet up with her and hear more of her stuff. Rey had been wary initially but then she found out that Finn and Poe, The Rejects’ drummer, were an item. The two hit it off and became fast friends after their first meeting. Finn was always happy to lend his ear to Rey’s music and also put her in touch with the producer who helped her put out her first EP. She owed a lot to Finn.

“I can’t believe you got me this gig,” Rey said, taking in the sight of the venue once again as Finn released her from his bear hug. “I mean not many people have even heard my music yet...How’d you do it?”

“You act like I did so much,” Finn rolled his eyes.

“You did though. I wouldn’t be here without you.”

“All I did was put your name on the table, Rey. The booking agent wanted you on this tour as soon as he heard one of your songs. You got this gig because you’re fucking talented and you deserve it.”

“If you say so,” Rey doubted.

“Just make sure to thank me when you win that first Grammy,” he winked. “Come on and I’ll introduce you to the guys.”

They began walking to the backstage area where a few small dressing rooms were located, one reserved for the First Order Rejects and the other for use by the openers. 

With every step they took Rey could feel her heartbeat growing faster and faster. Would he recognize her? Hell, would he even remember her? She’d imagined this moment so many times over the past six years and each time it was a different scenario and different outcome. Sometimes he would know who she was instantly and he’d fall on his knees before her professing his undying love for her - that was just a pipe dream. Other times he’d have no fucking clue who she was and he’d brush her off like she was any other crazed fan. She knew reality would probably lie somewhere in the middle of those two scenarios but that didn’t stop her mind from gravitating towards the extremes. 

“Hey, assholes, come out and meet the opening act!” Finn hollered as he banged on the door marked “TFOR” with a piece of paper taped to it.

One by one, the remaining members of the band came out of the dressing room to greet Rey. 

The first to come out was a tan skinned, dark curly haired man with a smile that surely melted many girls’ and guys’ hearts. 

“Ah so you’re the chiquita with the voice my Finn has been raving on and on about. I’m Poe. You’ve already met mi amor over there,” Poe smiled flirtily. 

Rey chuckled, “I’m Rey Niima. It’s nice to meet you, Poe.”

“The pleasure is mine, Rey.” He smiled with a wink before going over to give Finn a kiss on the cheek. 

Next came the bass player, Gwen Phasma, or “Phas” as she had introduced herself. She was a 6ft, platinum blonde, intimidating woman and she wasn’t much for words. She simply opted to walk up to Rey, said “I’m Phas” and that was that. 

And then  _ he  _ walked out and nothing else mattered. He seemed taller than the last time she saw him which was crazy because at 18 he was already a lanky 6’3”. His hair was longer, the raven black locks now hung just past his chin in messy waves.

The black shirt he was wearing clung to him in all the right places and left little to the imagination. It was clear that where Ben Solo was thin and awkward before, Kylo Ren had taken over. He stood before Rey now appearing toned and strong. 

He was the same man, yet a completely different person all at once. The disparities made it hard for Rey to reconcile her feelings about Ben with this person who stood in front of her.

His eyes met hers and it was like all the air got sucked out of the room as if they were in a vacuum in space. As far as Rey was concerned all that existed in that moment was him and her and nothing and no one else.

“Ben,” his name escaped from her mouth almost involuntarily. She hadn’t even realized she’d actually said it out loud until the look of confusion on his face registered in her mind. 

“I’m sorry? Do I know you?” He asked and all at once Rey was brought back to reality. 

He wasn’t her Ben anymore...but she wasn’t the same person she was back then either and now she knew how to protect herself and her heart from him...something she was incapable of at 15.

“Well, not really,” she began vaguely, keeping the tone in her voice even. “You did...once upon a time but a lot’s changed hasn’t it?”

“I’m not following,” his brow creased. Rey had clearly caught him off guard. 

“Picture long brown hair, no piercings, no tattoos, no makeup,” she paused to give Kylo time for his brain to put two and two together. He was looking at her like the answer was right on the tip of his tongue, but just out of reach.

“Hold up. Rey, you know Kylo?” she heard a voice from behind her ask but she was too preoccupied to see who the voice belonged to.

“Rey?” Kylo spoke her name as if he didn’t quite believe it yet. “Little Rey Kenobi?” 

“Well, the public knows me as Rey Niima but yeah. It’s me, Ben. Or does everyone call you Kylo now?”

“Guys you mind giving us a few minutes to catch up?” His question was directed at his bandmates but his eyes were still fixed on Rey. They kept scanning over Rey like his mind was trying to connect the present day Rey that stood before him with the past Rey that had stood in front of him with tears in her eyes as he told her he was leaving.

“I can’t believe it’s really you,” he spoke as soon as they were alone. “Little Rey.”

“Not so little anymore but, yeah, it’s me,” she pointed out, frozen in place, watching as he took steps towards her.

“I seem to remember telling you on your fifteenth birthday that it didn’t matter how grown you were, I will always call you ‘Little Rey.’ Or did you forget that?” he asked teasingly, with that same half grin that she used to stay up all night dreaming about.

Their eyes were locked on each other as he finally stood mere inches from her. The last time he stood close to her like this was...well, she tried not to let her mind dwell on _ that night _ . The past was the past and it was best to keep strolls down memory lane to a minimum. But now...maybe now it was necessary for her to take Kylo on a little stroll of his own.

“I remember  _ everything _ ... I remember thinking you were someone who would never hurt me. I remember the day you left and how you promised me that you would be back, that we’d still talk, that nothing would keep you away from me forever...and I remember the first time you broke that promise. Do  _ you  _ remember that?”

Kylo flinched. 

“Trust me, Rey….I remember,” he said quietly, his head hanging low. “I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me.”

“You— what?” It was all she could say. Of all the different ways she imagined their first meeting after so long going she had never imagined this. Rey didn’t know what to make of this.

His head snapped up to look at her once more but this time it wasn’t Kylo she saw...no that bravado was gone. This was Ben staring back at her now with a look so intense she felt as if it could burn through her very soul. 

“You think it was easy for me letting you down time and time again? Rey, it killed me. You trusted me, you gave me—,” he paused, seeming pained by the memories of their past. “You gave me everything. And I threw it all away and for what? Fame? A few radio hits? I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me at all. I hate myself too.”

It seemed time had not only changed her, but him as well. For this was Ben speaking to her, not Kylo, but it wasn’t the Ben she once knew. Gone were the stars in eyes, and the hopes and dreams of the future all replaced with regret and doubt. 

“You’ve changed, Benny,” she whispered, the old nickname slipping out before she realized it. 

_ Fucking old habits… _

“So have you...Little Rey,” he smiled, returning the use of her own pet name as his eyes flickered down to her lips and back up to her eyes. 

Ben leaned in closer and Rey began to panic internally. There was a part of her, a part that she was trying her damndest to bury deep down, that was dying to feel his lips against hers once again after all these years. It was the same raw, primal need to be close to him in any way possible that she had felt as a young teenager...not even six year apart could make that need go away. But just as she was about to give into temptation…

“Oye Kylo!” Poe called out as he walked in.

“What?!” Ben barked out and Rey flinched.

She could hear Ben and Poe talking around her but she wasn’t paying attention to what was being said. She was focused on trying to keep the dark memories at bay.

“I’ll be right there okay? Just let me finish talking to Rey!” Ben shouted at Poe, exasperated that his bandmate wouldn’t leave.

Memories of the past that Rey never wanted to confront dared to surface in her mind...yelling, screaming, pushing, dishes shattering as they hit the floor…memories she’d spent countless nights wishing she just forget...

“Um, actually I should go. I have to, uh, do vocal warm ups or check my backing tracks or something…” She mustered up any possible excuse to get away that she could. She knew she wasn’t being convincing but she didn’t care. All that mattered was that she got away as fast as possible. 

She was already almost out of Ben’s sight when he called out, “Can we talk more later?”

Rey didn’t answer…she just needed to get some air before her brain spiraled too far…

_ That’s in the past...he’s gone...you never have to worry about him again…no one will do that to you again… _

 

**Author's Note:**

> So....Rey has quite a dark past, as you can tell. We'll learn more about that and exactly what went down between her and Ben as the story progresses.
> 
> Rey in this story is inspired by the singer, Halsey, and in case you couldn't figure it out, The First Order Rejects are totally based on The All-American Rejects lol. Clearly I am incapable of coming up with good band names.
> 
> Thanks to my beta, Halle!
> 
> Kudos are great but comments make my day!! I'd love to hear what you guys think!
> 
> You can find and follow me on tumblr [here](http://kkfangirl56.tumblr.com/).


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